


Broken Mirrors and Broken Hearts

by stormypasta88



Series: Volleyboys in Love [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Anxiety, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Depression, Hurt/Comfort, Jealous Kozume Kenma, Kozume Kenma Needs a Hug, Kozume Kenma in Love, M/M, Mentioned Yamaguchi Tadashi, References to Depression, Sad, Self Confidence Issues, They're like 20 something don't worry, Tsukishima Kei Being an Asshole, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-28
Updated: 2020-06-28
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:20:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,306
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24925309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stormypasta88/pseuds/stormypasta88
Summary: Kenma had learned that it’s hard to be in love with someone who didn’t love him back.He learned it the hard way, and hasn’t been fine since.
Relationships: Kozume Kenma & Kuroo Tetsurou, Kozume Kenma & Tsukishima Kei, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou, Kuroo Tetsurou/Tsukishima Kei
Series: Volleyboys in Love [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1793602
Comments: 3
Kudos: 53





	Broken Mirrors and Broken Hearts

**Author's Note:**

> im sorry in advance

Kenma had known Kuroo since he was a child. Kuroo had always been there for him, since they had even met. He was Kenma’s rock, his anchor, his entire purpose. 

Without him, Kenma feels like he’s drowning. Like he’s being swallowed whole by the universe.

And that’s exactly what’s happening to him now. 

-

Kenma had learned that it’s hard to be in love with someone who didn’t love him back. He learned it the hard way, and hasn’t been fine since.

“Tsukishima is way better than me anyways.” He thought bitterly. Kenma was short and small, petite in all forms. He wasn’t a blonde. Sure he tried to be a blonde for so long but Kuroo never seemed to like it. Kenma didn’t speak unless he was forced too. He didn’t bite back at insults and never had anything witty to respond back with. He just accepted the insults and pretended like they didn’t hurt. Kenma wasn’t too big of a fan of volleyball. He only played because Kuroo needed someone to toss him a ball one day when his other neighborhood friends were too busy. Kuroo didn’t really need him, Kenma was a last resort. Kenma just wasn’t Kuroo’s type. And for some time, he was fine with it. He had this preconceived notion that Kuroo would come around and start loving Kenma the way he is. The day that Kuroo decided that he was going to love Kenma for who he is only came in his dreams, and even then it felt as superficial as it was.

Slightly annoyed,Kenma slowly crawled out of his bed, grabbed his phone  
and shuffled quietly to his bathroom. His apartment was honestly quite terrible, but it was fine for him since he was still in college. It got too cold during the winters and the heating never worked and his neighbors above him always had parties with trashy pop blasting into his apartment every Friday, but it was all Kenma had. 

As he relieved himself, he couldn’t help but think about Kuroo.

Kuroo was spending the day with his boyfriend Kei, who persuaded him for a whole day at the museum because they had a new dinosaur exhibit. Kuroo himself didn’t care much for dinosaurs, but it made him happy to see his boyfriend’s eyes light up whenever he saw the giant creature’s skeletons on display. 

Much to Tsukishima’s dismay, Kuroo had invited Kenma along to spend the day with them, knowing the boy to never willingly leave his apartment unless he was absolutely required to. Kenma had declined the invitation, electing to save himself the trouble of both third wheeling, and watching the couple interact, and wishing it were him that made Kuroo laugh like a hyena. 

Wishing that it was him sharing an ice cream with Kuroo.

Wishing that it was him that spent his days with someone he’s loved for so long. 

Wishing that Kuroo decided that he loved Kenma, not Tsukishima.

Wishing that he was good enough for Kuroo’s love.

Kenma finished his business and while washing his hands, he couldn’t help but stare at himself in the mirror in front of him. 

His once pudding head hair was now almost completely gone, saving for uneven patches of blonde near his shoulders.

His eyes had disgusting deep purple bags under them, making him look terribly exhausted.

He was pale, and skinny and positively shaking.

As he stared in that mirror, he wondered what was so utterly repulsive of him that made Kuroo decide he wasn’t good enough.

In the back of his mind, he thought of Yamaguchi who also had the same problem.

He continued his routine, occasionally checking a notification or skipping a song on his playlist.

As Kenma was in the process of brushing his teeth, he saw a text from Yamaguchi. 

\--

**Yamaguchi: 1 Photo Attached**

**Yamaguchi: Did you see this yet?**

**Yamaguchi: Are you gonna be okay?**

-

Kenma quickly spit and rinsed his mouth before finally opening the messages. 

Enclosed was a screenshot of a selfie of Kuroo and Tsukishima, tears in their eyes as they smiled at the camera. Tsukishima was proudly holding up his right hand, a gold band enclosed around his ring finger. His eyes screamed joy and pride, which was a different look from the rude and blunt Tsukishima that he knew. He was smiling so wide that you could see where his face was stretching. Kuroo’s face held an identical expression, he seemed overjoyed. The caption read “I did it! #KuroTsukki is finally getting married!”.

Kenma felt his heart shatter into two. He had never experienced pain like this before. It hurt so bad and he didn’t know what to do.

He felt his chest constrict, making each and every breath harder to take in and release. He felt as though someone were pressing down on him with a hydraulic press. He felt like he was drowning.

Drowning in sorrow. 

Kenma was quickly startled out of his inner turmoil from another text notification. This time from Kuroo himself.

-  


**Kur-hoe: KENMA!**

**Kur-hoe: KENMA!**

**Kur-hoe: KENMA! You better be awake!!**

**Kur-hoe: Look!**

**Kur-hoe: 1 Photo Attached**

**Kur-hoe: Tsukki and I are getting married!**

**Kur-hoe: I’m so happy!!**

-

Kenma wished this was all a dream. He wished this wasn’t real and he wished this just a dream and that Kuroo actually loved him. 

Except it wasn’t. 

-  
**Kozume: Congratulations.**

-

Kenma set his phone down and returned his gaze at the mirror.

He stood and stared at his reflection. Picking apart every detail about himself that Kuroo deemed unloveable.

He stared at himself asking “Why couldn’t it have been me? Why couldn’t Kuroo love me? Why? Why? Why?”

He watched as the first tear slid down his cheek.

Then the second.

Then the third.

He watched himself as his face flooded with tears.

He watched as his face contorted into an ugly mess of pain.

He kept asking himself “Why? Why? Why?”

“Why did it have to be him that suffered?”

“Why couldn’t Tsukishima have noticed how badly Kenma was in love with Kuroo?”

“Why couldn’t Tsukishima have loved Yamaguchi?”

“Why did he have to feel this way?”

“What was wrong with him?”

All these questions and more flurried around his head, each one louder than the last.

His head quickly became a warzone. All of the questions, the pain, the anguish, the guilt, the suffering are mixing together like they were a smoothie. A smoothie only those who hurt him could enjoy.

Suddenly, his head was silent.

It was quiet.

..  
..  
..  
..  
.. 

He screamed. 

Kenma was always a quiet person, only having let out his temper a handful of times. But he screamed so loudly that the birds perched on his fire escape quickly fled at the shock of the noise. 

He screamed so loudly that his neighbors next door woke up abruptly, assuming their neighbor was in danger.

Kenma screamed and left his bathroom quickly, searching for the tool box his father have gifted him when he moved out of his family home.

He quieted his screaming for a moment. 

He heard the panicked knocking on his front door, but couldn’t be bothered to go answer.

Kenma quickly found what he was looking for and went back into his bathroom.

He looked at himself in the mirror again.

He looked at the tears running down his face, and the snot dripping down his nose. He looked at how red his nose was, from constantly rubbing it.

He looked at the hammer in his hand, before sniffing again.

He looked at himself in the reflection again, and quietly asked “Why?”

Before screaming again and raising the hammer from behind him and quickly slamming it against the mirror. 

The mirror broke instantly upon contact and the glass shards flew everywhere in his bathroom. 

His mirror was broken.

But so was his heart.

**Author's Note:**

> i have an alternate version where this whole thing is a dream, lmk if you want it.
> 
> i hope you enjoyed!
> 
> you can scream at me about kuroken on tumblr @stormypasta88
> 
> i'm accepting prompts and requests so let me know!
> 
> stay safe everyone!


End file.
